40 Little Ways to be French
1. Drink your coffee sitting down, and out of an actual cup.
2. Insist that you have 'almost no money left' when your friends invite you to a cocktail bar. Propose wine at yours.
3. Drink so much wine you spend the equivalent of 11 cocktails online.
4. Always carry a packet of tissues in your bag.
5. Moisturize obsessively.
6. Spend a sixth of your income on scented candles.
7. Order rosé in March like the brazen, untameable woman that you are.
8. Make the last item on your grocery list a gigantic bouquet of flowers.
9. Learn how to express at least five different emotions using only one swear word. Putain. Putain! Putaaaaain.
10. Be suspicious of: politicians, dating apps, supermarket bread, overly-smiley people, any orange cheese that isn't mimolette, and cafés that serve more than two kinds of milk. Also: margarine.
11. Always assume people want your opinion.
12. Ensure that at least 85% of what you say is accompanied by hand gestures.
13. Shoot an emphatic look of horror at any person who asks to meet for dinner before 8pm.
14. Have a favorite chef.
15. And a favorite film director.
16. Drink expensive wine alone as proof that you're a carefree bon vivant who'd rather be alone than settle for mediocre company (as opposed to just incredibly single.)
17. Learn how to ride a bike in a dress without flashing anyone.
18. Spend a few hours every weekend wandering through a new neighborhood without any specific purpose in mind.
19. Take three days to respond to people who write to you.
20. Don't apologize for the delayed response.
21. Go to a museum to look at "art", by which we mean "handsome men with sensitive souls and a great collection of Merino wool sweaters that they regularly dry clean because they have both the sense and income to do so."
22. Spend 73 euros on houseplants and kill 50 euros worth of them within the month.
23. Wear a plain white t-shirt and jeans with an absurdly expensive perfume.
24. Question both the credibility and intellect of people who wear ballet flats.
25. Devote an irrational amount of attention to keeping your nails perfectly oval-shaped.
26. Notice the smallest details, and comment on them.
27. Compliment other women and mean it.
28. In summer, carry a small bottle of facial mist with you and spritz yourself in public with wild, sensual abandon.
29. Cultivate an astounding topographical knowledge of all rooftop bars within a two-mile radius of your neighborhood.
30. Dress up, buy a newspaper, and go read it outdoors where everyone can see.
31. Even if you don't smoke, carry a lighter around so you have an excuse to chat up attractive, cigarette-smoking strangers.
32. En route home from yoga class (right after you pick up groceries from the organic co-op) stop at the tabac for a pack of light cigarettes, because #healthyliving #lifeisshort #sergegainsbourglife.
33. Insist that you "just don't understand" people who actually queue up for hours just to get a table at that trendy new Italian place that refuses to take reservations.
34. Send your unemployed best friend to get in the line at 5pm. (Love you, Chloé!!)
35. Plan your commute based on which Métro line has the hottest dudes (lines 1, 8, and 12).
36. Go to your grandma for love advice.
37. Wear matching underwear.
38. Convince yourself that it's your "natural sense of curiosity" that compels you to watch your neighbors through their windows, and not just the fact that you're nosy AF.
39. Maintain that you are a romantic and an idealist but also realistic, modern, and highly practical, and so that is why you finally decided to just swallow your pride and download Tinder, and anyway you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone, and also your friend Marie met her boyfriend on an app and they're practically engaged, so, ta gueule.
40. Buy a stripey shirt.